Running down a dream

IT all started with a soccer ball and little girl who possessed a lot of leg speed.

young love

A large reason our family moved out of Brooklyn to the suburbs was for organized sports. I took to soccer quickly and was soon called Speedy Gonzalez and the Blauvelt Bullet by soccer coaches and family members as I whizzed around the fields. In 1st grade, my gym coach, Coach Hudson, recognized that I might have a future in running. He invited me to a summer track series, which I continued to attend each summer of my childhood. I fell in love with the feeling of moving fast. Hair down blowing in the wind. My parents cheering me on from the sidelines, “Go Scoot go!” Chasing down the boys on the track…I think I like this running thing.

I continued to play soccer and softball throughout these years, but I knew that running was my gift. While at Tappan Zee High School under Coach Driscoll’s guidance, I achieved All-American status in the freshman 400m, won two New York state titles, in the 800m and 1000m, narrowly missed All-American honors in the 800 more times than I’d like to remember (0.02 hurts), broke many school records ranging from the 100m to the 5000m in xc, broke a 31-year section record in the 600m which ranked 3rd in the nation that season and qualified for Nike Cross Nationals as an individual representing New York. I was heavily recruited before ultimately choosing to attend Villanova University. The future looked bright.

rocky college years

In my first season at VU, I was a scorer and was one of the top freshmen at the Mid-Atlantic Regional meet. I was so excited to hit the track, knowing that was the main focus of my training. The universe had other plans though, as my first injury would have me cross-training in the pool for four months, ultimately missing the indoor season. The spring of freshman year is when my health began to really unravel. I was feeling extremely fatigued and heavy, was experiencing headaches almost daily, and my menstrual cycle was only 2 weeks long. That summer is when the neuropathy kicked in. Every time I went for a run, my legs and left arm would go numb. Blood work showed that my iron levels were dangerously low, with a ferritin of 6 mcg/L. By the time I returned to campus for sophomore year, my iron had improved but my symptoms continued to worsen. This began the hunt for answers. After seeing almost every specialist and ruling out many diagnoses, I was still without an answer. What was happening to my body?

Stubborn and committed to being the successful collegiate athlete I knew I could be, I continued to train every day despite my body’s pleas to stop. I continued to advocate for my health and seek answers. I knew something was wrong. But the medical gaslighting made me question my sanity.

Neuropathy. Tingling extremities. Severe vulvodynia. Anxiety. Anemia.

A bad case of pneumonia had me hospitalized that summer. A sure signal that I had to keep seeking answers. In the fall of my junior year, that answer finally came. I found Dr. Lauren Houser, an Integrative Medicine Practitioner. She suspected that Lyme disease might be the culprit. She was right. A Lyme specialist back in New York confirmed the diagnosis along with two other tickborne diseases: Babesiosis and Ehrlichiosis. I was subsequently diagnosed with vulvar vestibulitis, pelvic floor dysfunction, and suspected endometriosis. But I wasn’t upset. I was just glad to have answers because now I could create an action plan to get better, and hopefully have a shot at running healthily again by my senior year.

During training that winter season, I started to feel a deep pinch in my left hip. Imaging showed I have mixed-type Femoroacetabular impingement and a torn labrum. A common ailment in runners, but one that meant I would have to take a considerable amount of time off. Back to the pool I go.

The spring of junior year entailed three weekly visits to physical therapy (shoutout Danny Singles) for my hip, weekly visits to a pelvic floor physical therapist, and intense rounds of antibiotics. By summertime, I was running again, and I thought that I might be able to salvage something for my last XC season at Villanova. I was still at the height of Lyme treatment, and looking back now It’s comical that I thought I had a chance of running fast times. But that’s what a sliver of hope can do for you.

I competed through senior year, but my performances were nothing to write home about. I was still experiencing neuropathy daily but was beginning to feel improvements in my everyday life. It was enough progress to keep me going, although I doubted that my health would ever fully return to normal.

a miracle at the mount

Because I had missed so many seasons in my undergraduate years, I had quite a bit of eligibility left. My former teammate, Chris Fitzsimons, was working as the head XC coach at Mount Saint Mary’s University. He convinced me to join the Mount to finish my eligibility while earning a master’s in Business Administration (MBA). I was hesitant because, in truth, I hated running at this point in my life. I was tired, dejected, and disappointed with how college had played out. What I didn’t know then was that this would prove to be the best decision of my life.

The day after graduation, I drove to the Mount with my dad and then-boyfriend to apartment hunt. We visited the National Shrine Grotto of our Lady of Lourdes, located right next to the Mount’s campus. I am not the most holy person, but something compelled me to say a prayer for my health, as I rubbed holy water on my legs and arm. I asked for help. I asked for my life back.

By some sort of miracle, my neuropathy ceased that summer. For the first time in four years, I felt like myself again. That season I went on to place in the top 50 at the mid-Atlantic Regional meet, just off of my 38th-place finish from freshman year at Villanova. Although I had envisioned one day maybe winning this meet, a top-50 finish reduced me to tears of joy. I never thought I’d be competing with this level of strength again. I never thought I would love the sport again. Over my 18 months at the Mount (four seasons), I was named MVP of the indoor Northeast Conference, helped the team to win a conference title for the first time in over 30 years, was a 7-time All-NEC performer, was recognized for Flotrack’s Kick of the Week, and ran my first personal best since high school. the effects of Lyme Disease were still apparent, as my immune system was depleted and weak. I had 4 bouts of bronchitis in those 18 months too, but it was ok. Because I was happy, and I was on my way to being healthy.

are we out of the woods yet?

After my time at the Mount, work opportunities brought me to Wilmington, DE in January 2020. I finally had the time to undergo surgery for endometriosis and a complex ovarian cyst. This resolved my chronic vulvodynia and allowed me to begin to lead a normal and more confident personal life.

I resumed training in February and was looking forward to a spring of track races, but we all know what happened in March of 2020. While the world was shut down, I continued to train hard and told myself that I’d be ready to drop some big times when and if track races ever came back. While I had some solid performances in 2021 and had a blast running many unsanctioned races, it was becoming increasingly challenging to balance a full-time job atop coaching high school track (70+ working hours a week). Anemia became a real issue again, and a nagging hamstring injury persisted, likely because I was not recovering properly. In January 2022, I made some adjustments to my career and began to prioritize recovery and a regimented training schedule. With Scott Davis as my coach that year, I ran some great races. Anemia was still a factor, and ended my outdoor season earlier than planned. That fall though, I was on a tear until plantar fascitis told me to sit back down. Still, nonetheless, I was improving. Slowly, but surely.

In January 2023, I went back to an in-office job and was once again balancing 70+ hour work weeks. I was only able to manage running 20-30miles a week, but surprised myself with a big drop in the 3k that February: 9:26, with a 30-second last 200 split. Immediately following that race, I got strep throat. Long story short, strep throat decided it didn’t want to leave me as it did not respond to any antibiotics. The ENT took one look at my throat and said my tonsils had to go, but the next opening wasn’t until July 2023. So I kept training, and racing, and thought I could still sneak some races in. I managed to place 2nd in the Penn Relays 5k (that monsoon couldn’t stop us). In a co-ed soccer game the very next day, I sustained a concussion and ankle bone contusion (you should see the other guy…) which forced me to rest and give up on racing until I was finally able to get those bad boy tonsils out. P.S. Tonsillectomies are no joke.

By late August I was ready to start my build. This was the year things were going to be different. I felt it in my bones. I set my goal to qualify for the track Olympic Trials in the 3K Steeplechase. This was a new event for me. I was living between Delaware and New York in the fall and moved back to New York full-time by December for a new position at the Armory. I also reconnected with my grad school coach, Coach Fitz, at this time. He lives out in Colorado and coaches me remotely. I train solo 80% of the time- so if you’re in the area and want to link up, please hit me up! The long hours and time on my feet at the Armory made it challenging to train, but not impossible. There were many nights I was running my workouts at 10pm on the track (working at the Armory has its perks). My track races were sub-par during the indoor season. Turns out that averaging four hours of sleep every night is not conducive to running fast times. Who knew? I was exhausted, but I was having fun. I kept my sights on the spring.

living for today and a hopeful tomorrow

When the indoor season wrapped up, I took a little pause from work and went out to Colorado for two weeks to get some solid training, sleep, and peace. I was stringing together really strong workouts and my lifetime highest mileage weeks, and felt better than ever. I opened up the season with a win and a 10:16 3K Steeple, just four seconds off of the 10:12 minimum qualifier for the Trials. The race felt effortless. I was sure that I was in sub-10 shape and truly thought I’d be on the starting line at Hayward Field in June. My fastest time this season ended up being 10:12.75. I did not make the Trials.

I learned a hard lesson this season, by getting stuck in the results trap. I was so fixated on running a time, that I lost the joy of it. My workouts were stellar, but I didn’t look forward to racing. My lack of confidence in racing also became apparent. I’m not the same athlete on the line as I am in my everyday training. I’m still working to get back to the youthful version of myself when I was truly a fearless competitor before I experienced years of heartbreak and setbacks in this sport.

I look back at the adversity I faced over the past decade with gratitude now. Because of it, I found a level of resilience and strength inside of me that I never knew before. I gained perspective that made me into a compassionate coach. I learned to love this sport for the journey it provides, not the results. I have met so many incredible people through the years, and am genuinely happy to see other people, even strangers, succeed because I know that we all face our battles. It is a testament to the human will that we continue to show up and show out.

It feels like this is just the beginning of my running story. I’ll keep going until the love runs out. But something tells me that this is a love built to last. Why do I keep going? Because I get to. Because I love this.

So much more to come.